Posted by: ritagone | July 22, 2015

Dazed and Confused — no jokes, please!!!

 

 

When I gseizureot my tattoo a few months ago, the metaphor of the verse Jeremiah 12:5 was this, to me: if you can’t do the easy things, how can you expect to do the hard ones? “If you run with footmen and they have tired you out, how can you compete with horses?” I have loved that image, that probing question, for decades, as I said in my blog a few months ago after my fall in New York City and the feeling that it was finally the right time and circumstances for me to get the verse inked onto my forearm.

Little did I know how soon the metaphor would become a reality, a challenge. Such is life: from one minute to the next, we really don’t know what is in store for us. We fool ourselves into thinking we have control when we don’t. And it’s when something beyond our control happens that we begin to realize just how much we must trust God and not ourselves.

Several weeks ago I went to bed around 11 p.m. after a wonderful evening with friends in my living room, an evening filled with music and laughter and great conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary: when I went to bed and turned out my light, nothing felt amiss. No warnings, no signs that something might not be normal.

I came to – literally, as if out of a deep sleep – in an ambulance! Paramedics were asking me questions, and I was dazed and confused, mainly because I had no idea why I would awaken to find myself on my way to the emergency room of the local hospital, with Michael coming along in the car. When we got to the emergency room, they off-loaded me from the gurney to a bed and began to test things: my brain, my heart, my vitals.

I have never felt so disoriented. Apparently I had told the paramedics that I was 37 years old and from Montreal! (I have never been to Montreal. I was, however, at one time, 37!!)

Within about three hours I was sent home, because all the test results were normal! (As if you could be “normal” after such an event!) Over the next few days I saw my doctors, my g.p., my neurologist, to try to get to the bottom of what had happened. Medicines were prescribed, information was given, and off I went to readjust to my new reality.

First of all, let me say that I am extremely thankful for those doctors. I have heard quite a few medical horror stories since my seizure (everybody has medical stories to tell) about the inability to get a doctor’s appointment within a reasonable amount of time, even during a crisis, about wrong diagnoses, about the stunning lack of care often associated with the medical profession. (I’ve heard a few good stories too, but I’m making a point here. Bear with me.) My doctors both know me personally from church, spend an inordinate amount of time with me in the examining room, and genuinely seem to care about my welfare…and that’s a wonderfully reassuring feeling when you’re not sure if your body will continue to behave or malfunction.

But more than confidence in the medical profession, I have gone through an emotional and spiritual process that I can only define as positive and beneficial. I have prayed and thought and imagined for the last three weeks, wondering what my life might be like from now on. And through all of this, I have clung more and more to my confidence in the LORD God, who, as Psalm 103:3 says, “forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.” I have come to the stunning conclusion that – whatever happens to me physically from now on – God is with me, He is for me, and because of those facts, my physical health is secondary to my spiritual well-being in relationship to Him.

That’s a great place to arrive, and I don’t think you get there unless you are challenged to think through and process what life has thrown at you, especially the bad. (We’re all pretty good at coming to the conclusion that the good that happens to us is because we so surely deserve it!)

So I’m going to press on, hoping on the one hand that the seizure was a one-off incident and that was the end of it, and on the other hand wanting to grow even closer to the God who is in control of every aspect of my life, big and small. So far I’m almost three weeks away from that initial “incident” with no reoccurrence, so I’m optimistic that it was a one-off event due to new medication.

 

* = I will be gone out of the country for the next three Wednesdays, with limited access to technology and so the ability to publish a Rita’s Ramblings blog is not good. See you back here on August 19!! Until then, be well and solid in your faith.

 

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Responses

  1. You explained your story beautifully. I forwarded it to a few people including Jenna, although she may already receive your blog.

    I think you leave tomorrow for your big trip. I probably won’t see you so have a safe and awesome trip. Try to send a text now and then.

    Love and prayers, Sue

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    • Sue, thanks for the kind words and prayers. Jenna and I have stayed in touch and it has been very sweet. I hope we can see her (them) when we’re up in Idaho August 22-September 8. Let’s try to do that, the six of us, okay? We do leave tomorrow for Prague; I have a headache today, but no seizures, so I’m fairly confident that that was a one-off event. I’ll post pictures as often as I can. Love, Rita

  2. Amen. Totally agree with your words.
    I had the most amazing 2014, and then New Years, Jan. 3, 2015 our beloved son was diagnoised with Cancer. God brought me a WORD to hold onto and it was to keep my eyes on HIM and not the circumstance. HE has been with me/our family, and Dustin all the way through. Not my stregnth but HIS is getting us through this.
    God gave me his hand to hold through it all, and in blind faith I grabbed it and we walk through the fire together. No one knows what tomorrow has to offer but we can be thankful in everything that his hand is extended and he will never leave us.
    Sending prayers for protection and peace in your travels, and believing in confidence that no matter where you are or what your doing God’s got it all covered because you walk hand and hand ❤

    Enjoy reading your spirit filled writings Rita!!

    ~debbie

    • Debbie — I have been following Dustin’s situation on Facebook and praying for him and you and Johnny every time I read a post. I have seen people with your situation walk away from God, angry at Him and blaming Him for what is going on. I am so glad you are not in that camp. I pray that you all come through this with greater faith and closer commitment to Jesus. Love to all, Rita

  3. Rita-
    Thanking God for your recovery and I’m hoping, as well, that this was a one-time incident … And grateful that you were not alone or away from you doctors.
    Yes! These happenings do tend to reset your priorities and awaken you to realizing God’s preeminence in our lives. Thanks for sharing your story and your faith.

    Safe travels,
    Martha

    • Thank you, Martha. I am so touched by the outpouring of love and concern from those who have read the blog or know what’s been going on with me in the last month. See you soon. Love, Rita


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